It's coming... But you tease.
Summer, breaking clean, moving in with ease.
Slowly, gently, clearly it comes.
Leaving the busyness of days and ushering in
Dreams, deep breaths, freedom.
Summer is coming closer, warmer, wet and sandy.
Running, riding, digging, climbing.
Memory making. It's coming, gently, clearly, finally!
May 22, 2013
May 11, 2013
...and then.....
January was spent organizing the year. (yes, the entire month!) Family, Gloreah, Purpose Group, Men's Group, Fellowship Group, work, vacation, holidays, Aside from family, our Purpose Group is central and intregal to our lives.As empty and almost-empty nesters, one would imagine that our calendars would be wide open. But, that is NOT the case! It seems our lives have doubled in busy-ness!
So, we pinched and squeezed our calendars, moved and rescheduled dates and found time to spend together, PURPOSELY. We made our annual winter trek to Lake Tahoe together and it didn't disappoint. It was amazingly beautiful and fun-filled. God found us, blessed us and we left there filled with hope for the new year. Next, in our attempt to make more time to be with each other, we conquered a "favorite place" with our "favorite people"..... DISNEYLAND! With my husband (tour guide extraordinaire) in charge of mapping out our weekend, we did all we could do in one relatively relaxed 72 hour period. We talked and laughed and walked and walked and ran and rode and ate and walked and walked some more. We stood in lines, we waited and laughed-a lot. We got lost and found ourselves. We ate some more and thoroughly enjoyed the time, each other and the place. We were wow'd by things we saw and we wondered at the psuedo-reality we got to participate in. Lights & colors more clear; our imaginations were stretched. We were grateful for God's timing and His love enough for us to give us this time. It was a fun road trip and also a blessed time to reconnect with old friends who live near there and to connect them with our wonderful purposeful travelling friends. We worshiped together and found peace and relaxation on the back porch of their home in the warmth of the sun and friendship. We were mesmerized by the cool breezes on the lake and of course, there was food and drink and it all nourished our souls. Yes, it was a wonderful time. All of which I'm ready to repeat.
We won't be going back to Disneyland any time soon, but we WILL be going on another road trip.
Central California here we come! Watch for details as they unwind.
catching up....
Recently, I was reminded that I haven't posted anything lately.(someone actually checking my blog? wow!) She was right, its been at the bottom of the to-do list. So far down on the list, I think it hopped off the page! But, here I am. Hoping that this day will unfurl some wonderful revelation to make note here.
Truly, so much has happened, since my last post I wouldn't know where to begin. None of it earth shattering, nothing super amazing or super sad. Just busy-ness and life stuff.
Some highlights for this year so far include (in no particular order):
*The announcement of a sweet friend's engagement- wedding date June, 2014.
*A grand birthday bash for my dad's 80th! This got all my sisters and their families together under one roof. My, oh my, what a group!
*My grandson's 1st birthday.
*A trip to Tahoe, snow-less and blessed!
*A trip to Pismo to see a DooWop concert, singing the oldies and a quick visit with family.
*A new car for my husband.
*My birthday celebration (something I'm not used to).
*House of Prime Rib.
*Disneyland.
*Another friend's engagement- wedding date, October 2013.
As I review my list, there's some stuff to write about and I will find time (I promise) to tell you
all about it! Keep watching.
Truly, so much has happened, since my last post I wouldn't know where to begin. None of it earth shattering, nothing super amazing or super sad. Just busy-ness and life stuff.
Some highlights for this year so far include (in no particular order):
*The announcement of a sweet friend's engagement- wedding date June, 2014.
*A grand birthday bash for my dad's 80th! This got all my sisters and their families together under one roof. My, oh my, what a group!
*My grandson's 1st birthday.
*A trip to Tahoe, snow-less and blessed!
*A trip to Pismo to see a DooWop concert, singing the oldies and a quick visit with family.
*A new car for my husband.
*My birthday celebration (something I'm not used to).
*House of Prime Rib.
*Disneyland.
*Another friend's engagement- wedding date, October 2013.
As I review my list, there's some stuff to write about and I will find time (I promise) to tell you
all about it! Keep watching.
Traditions~ old and new
(in an effort to update my blog, I ran across this post that's been sitting in limbo. It was originally written December 9, 2012. It's done and ready...not so timely, but here you go!)
Tradition- "the handing down of information, beliefs and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction".
Christmas is filled with tradition. From cutting down the tree, stockings hung from the mantle, a decorated tree and lighted rooftops, special meals, making and baking once-a-year goodies and special treats are all part of how we celebrate our holiday. I shall keep these. Always.
These past few years, some of our traditions have been set aside. It's been years since I could share the 12 days of Christmas (even when my kids were away at college, I managed to share the magic!) I miss the expected Christmas Eve pajamas (an annual reflection of how much they've grown and what their interests were) and the excitement of getting 'Santa's gifts' (always left out on Christmas morning, unwrapped for everyone to see upon awakening). I miss Christmas dinner at my grandma's and getting to see extended family (usually the one time of year that we got to see our aunts, uncles and cousins-most of whom are too old or dead today). I miss being able to know what was going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for change and I love the unexpected. But there's something about the holidays that draw you to the familiar~ to family, friends, food, fun and festivities. There really is a feeling you get, way down deep, that warms you and ignites a sense of excitement and contentment.
I am trying to find perspective in traditions. I have always wanted them to be significant and long lasting. At the moment, there's an emptiness I can't explain. It's as if what was, isn't any longer and I've lost my way. There's an anxiety about what my role is. I am no longer the keeper of these traditions. I've orchestrated them, now passed them out and today they are blowing in the wind. Do I make new ones? Do I perpetuate old ones? Should I care. Simply, I think I am not content.
There are no self help books on "How to Recreate Your World When the Kids Move Out and Move On." I've looked! There is no one person who is experiencing what you are. There is no one right answer to fix it. No one sees your plight like you do. This must be the story throughout the ages, right? I certainly cannot be the only one who has experienced this. Or, maybe I am and it is simply a psychosis I must survive to get to the next stage of my life.
I think that this journey is as common as it is uncommon. No one talks about it, because that makes it real. Its depths are dependent on your hopes and desires. Mine are usually souped up and super charged. LOL! Go figure.
For several years, we've encouraged our newlywed kids to find what traditions they want to pursue and just do it! This year, they have taken the plunge and established what they will hold as their tradition. So, this year everyone will gather around our Christmas Breakfast Table. We will share stockings and gifts as well as Renee's Potatoes, Egg Bake, Sausage Ring, Monkey Bread, coffee, milk and orange juice on Christmas morning. I get that this is what's important to my kids. In all the traditions we had as they grew up, this time of sharing is what is the heart of their Christmas. I am very excited! I love this tradition!! But, then, I love them all!
There lies the problem.
Tradition- "the handing down of information, beliefs and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction".
Christmas is filled with tradition. From cutting down the tree, stockings hung from the mantle, a decorated tree and lighted rooftops, special meals, making and baking once-a-year goodies and special treats are all part of how we celebrate our holiday. I shall keep these. Always.
These past few years, some of our traditions have been set aside. It's been years since I could share the 12 days of Christmas (even when my kids were away at college, I managed to share the magic!) I miss the expected Christmas Eve pajamas (an annual reflection of how much they've grown and what their interests were) and the excitement of getting 'Santa's gifts' (always left out on Christmas morning, unwrapped for everyone to see upon awakening). I miss Christmas dinner at my grandma's and getting to see extended family (usually the one time of year that we got to see our aunts, uncles and cousins-most of whom are too old or dead today). I miss being able to know what was going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for change and I love the unexpected. But there's something about the holidays that draw you to the familiar~ to family, friends, food, fun and festivities. There really is a feeling you get, way down deep, that warms you and ignites a sense of excitement and contentment.
I am trying to find perspective in traditions. I have always wanted them to be significant and long lasting. At the moment, there's an emptiness I can't explain. It's as if what was, isn't any longer and I've lost my way. There's an anxiety about what my role is. I am no longer the keeper of these traditions. I've orchestrated them, now passed them out and today they are blowing in the wind. Do I make new ones? Do I perpetuate old ones? Should I care. Simply, I think I am not content.
There are no self help books on "How to Recreate Your World When the Kids Move Out and Move On." I've looked! There is no one person who is experiencing what you are. There is no one right answer to fix it. No one sees your plight like you do. This must be the story throughout the ages, right? I certainly cannot be the only one who has experienced this. Or, maybe I am and it is simply a psychosis I must survive to get to the next stage of my life.
I think that this journey is as common as it is uncommon. No one talks about it, because that makes it real. Its depths are dependent on your hopes and desires. Mine are usually souped up and super charged. LOL! Go figure.
For several years, we've encouraged our newlywed kids to find what traditions they want to pursue and just do it! This year, they have taken the plunge and established what they will hold as their tradition. So, this year everyone will gather around our Christmas Breakfast Table. We will share stockings and gifts as well as Renee's Potatoes, Egg Bake, Sausage Ring, Monkey Bread, coffee, milk and orange juice on Christmas morning. I get that this is what's important to my kids. In all the traditions we had as they grew up, this time of sharing is what is the heart of their Christmas. I am very excited! I love this tradition!! But, then, I love them all!
There lies the problem.
Our hope & strength & health comes from........
Deuteronomy 7:15
The LORD will keep you free from every disease. He will not inflict on you the horrible diseases you knew in Egypt…
Psalm 91:16
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.
Matthew 18:18-19
"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
I Peter 2:24
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus
Jeremiah 1:12
God says “..for I watch over my word to perform it.”
And we read in Psalms 107:20 “He sent his Word, and healed them, and delivered them from their
destructions.”
2 Corinthians 2:14 (New King James Version)
Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place.
Recently with loved ones balancing wholeness and health, I needed these reminders.
The LORD will keep you free from every disease. He will not inflict on you the horrible diseases you knew in Egypt…
Psalm 91:16
With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.
Matthew 18:18-19
"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
I Peter 2:24
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus
Jeremiah 1:12
God says “..for I watch over my word to perform it.”
And we read in Psalms 107:20 “He sent his Word, and healed them, and delivered them from their
destructions.”
2 Corinthians 2:14 (New King James Version)
Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place.
Recently with loved ones balancing wholeness and health, I needed these reminders.
May 8, 2013
Dec 6, 2012
Nov 23, 2012
Nov 21, 2012
Second Fiddle
That's me, the one on the right.
I've got all the parts to be played, to be used, to be loved and I'm ready to make beautiful music, but I feel like no one notices. I feel like I'm the after thought, the one who's expendable, or at the very least the one that can be moved, rescheduled and set aside, 'until later' or 'next time'.
"She'll understand."
Not really people!!! Not really!!! I don't get it.
It's like, they can't see the actual parts, so they figure I can't be played? So, where is my significance? Am I just the form of what I could be?
Could it be true? That no one wants to play with me?
{Probably not, but today it certainly feels like that. I was feeling like a 'second fiddle', and the thoughts just started bubbling up...CALM DOWN, Cathy. Tomorrow is another day.}
Nov 12, 2012
WOW
This is what a quarter of a harvested, grass and grain fed cow looks like!
(plus a small shelf above with about ten more smaller packages.)
Extended family has done the work and we're blessed with their 'harvest'.
This is definitely a first timers adventure in obtaining quality meat.
We've gone mad, I know. It's a bit decadent to think that we
are getting to eat all of this. I want to try it all, NOW. I wonder
how long it will last? I'll keep y'all posted!
Nov 10, 2012
Revelations
Laying in bed, I was overwhelmed with emotions~so here I am, writing it down, to get it out.
Tonight, I miss my mom and I miss my sister Linda.
I wonder who Linda would have become as an adult. I wonder where she'd live and where she would work. Would we be close? Would she be married? I wonder how life would be different if my mom had not had Alzheimers. I wonder what she would have thought of Shannon's wedding and of her great-grandchildren. I wonder what they would say to me, to us as a family, if they could reach out and talk to us today. Revelation #1: I wonder alot.
Then, I begin to miss my sisters. None of them lives in our home town area anymore.
I love my sisters. I want nothing more than to have 'relationship' with them. To be important, to hold
significance, to be included, to share life. I realize that I don't know anyone's hearts. I don't hold a secret for any of them. I can't remember the last time we just got to be together to laugh and play games (that's the only time I get to play games) without an agenda ~you know, its' not a wedding, its not a funeral; when there is no particular purpose to show up except "because I love spending time with you and you are important".
I realized tonight, in my broken and emotional state that my relationship with them is probably based on my role as the oldest sister. Growing up, it was my job to care for them like a 2nd mom. So, I guess that's part of it. That and the distance and time & energy which is required to make time time to be together. Sometimes the distance and time away from them feels like a huge chasm. Revelation #2: I am a good bridge builder, I don't always know how long to make the bridge, though.
I'll bet its obvious that I've spent some time these days pondering my life. There's the "ok, God, now what" , the list of regrets and then the work of forgiving myself for my regrets and then working on forgetting. Yep, there's definitely more time to think these days, particularly about who I am and what I've done with my life. My own greatest accomplishments are my kids. You may think it cliche', but its true down to the depths of my soul. I watch my adult children move through their lives and I am so proud of who and what they have become. I am in awe of their goals and the milestones they've reached so far. I can't help but wonder, "How'd that happen?" Revelation #3: I have been seeing my life in a deeper way recently, and difficult as that is, it enables me to press on-seeing what's behind. And in pressing on, I want to leave a legacy in my wake.
This chain of events, this "one thing leads to another" is crazy. Isn't it? I guess that's how God intends it, though. We can't always swallow what He gives us whole, so He reveals it in neat little packages. It's nice that way. Thanks, God.
Tonight, I miss my mom and I miss my sister Linda.
I wonder who Linda would have become as an adult. I wonder where she'd live and where she would work. Would we be close? Would she be married? I wonder how life would be different if my mom had not had Alzheimers. I wonder what she would have thought of Shannon's wedding and of her great-grandchildren. I wonder what they would say to me, to us as a family, if they could reach out and talk to us today. Revelation #1: I wonder alot.
Then, I begin to miss my sisters. None of them lives in our home town area anymore.
I love my sisters. I want nothing more than to have 'relationship' with them. To be important, to hold
significance, to be included, to share life. I realize that I don't know anyone's hearts. I don't hold a secret for any of them. I can't remember the last time we just got to be together to laugh and play games (that's the only time I get to play games) without an agenda ~you know, its' not a wedding, its not a funeral; when there is no particular purpose to show up except "because I love spending time with you and you are important".
I realized tonight, in my broken and emotional state that my relationship with them is probably based on my role as the oldest sister. Growing up, it was my job to care for them like a 2nd mom. So, I guess that's part of it. That and the distance and time & energy which is required to make time time to be together. Sometimes the distance and time away from them feels like a huge chasm. Revelation #2: I am a good bridge builder, I don't always know how long to make the bridge, though.
I'll bet its obvious that I've spent some time these days pondering my life. There's the "ok, God, now what" , the list of regrets and then the work of forgiving myself for my regrets and then working on forgetting. Yep, there's definitely more time to think these days, particularly about who I am and what I've done with my life. My own greatest accomplishments are my kids. You may think it cliche', but its true down to the depths of my soul. I watch my adult children move through their lives and I am so proud of who and what they have become. I am in awe of their goals and the milestones they've reached so far. I can't help but wonder, "How'd that happen?" Revelation #3: I have been seeing my life in a deeper way recently, and difficult as that is, it enables me to press on-seeing what's behind. And in pressing on, I want to leave a legacy in my wake.
This chain of events, this "one thing leads to another" is crazy. Isn't it? I guess that's how God intends it, though. We can't always swallow what He gives us whole, so He reveals it in neat little packages. It's nice that way. Thanks, God.
Nov 7, 2012
I can still go there
How easily we can move from here to there when we mindlessly allow ourselves to be moved!
Right now, I am hearing the song "Parsley Sage Rosemary and Thyme". This song transports me
back to my childhood, well, my early "teenage-hood". Just like it was yesterday.....
...a warm and sultry late fall afternoon....sun going down, just beginning to dip behind the mountain,
casting long shadows on the front lawn and inside the front bedroom window.
My mom is playing Simon and Garfunkel as she prepares for yet another group meeting at our house.
Outside, my sisters are eeking out the last remnants of the day, while I am inside, gazing out the front bedroom window and in my teenaged, hormonal frenzy I find a sense of peace as I mull over the words and allow the tune to wrap around me. This is where I found peace then, and where I can often find it now. In a song with a melody that soothes. I especially love Simon and Garfunkel. They have soothed many a crushed heart and mangled soul of mine. I can always find myself somewhere in some song at some time when needed. Thanks, guys.
Right now, I am hearing the song "Parsley Sage Rosemary and Thyme". This song transports me
back to my childhood, well, my early "teenage-hood". Just like it was yesterday.....
...a warm and sultry late fall afternoon....sun going down, just beginning to dip behind the mountain,
casting long shadows on the front lawn and inside the front bedroom window.
My mom is playing Simon and Garfunkel as she prepares for yet another group meeting at our house.
Outside, my sisters are eeking out the last remnants of the day, while I am inside, gazing out the front bedroom window and in my teenaged, hormonal frenzy I find a sense of peace as I mull over the words and allow the tune to wrap around me. This is where I found peace then, and where I can often find it now. In a song with a melody that soothes. I especially love Simon and Garfunkel. They have soothed many a crushed heart and mangled soul of mine. I can always find myself somewhere in some song at some time when needed. Thanks, guys.
Nov 2, 2012
something different this year-AWESOMENESS
It started out with a road trip to and through YOSEMITE, with a stop at the most adorable Inn!
 |
| Morning coffee on the balcony overlooking the town |
 |
| Hotel Charlotte. Highly recommend it ! |
 |
| Ah....the beauty of God's creation right in front of us! |
 |
| A look down the river in Yosemite |
 |
| We even went on a tour of the Mariposa Grove |
 |
| Pine Mountain Lake. Perfect for a Yoga session. |
 |
| Friends working on Friendship |
 |
| A reminder of what Friendship means |
 |
| We come bearing gifts to share |
 |
| We love one another with notes of encouragement |
 |
| We give one another back rubs& share praise and worship |
 |
| All different, yet all the same. |
 |
| Six of the most precious women, whom God loves! It was a wonderfully blessed time. Both the road trip before and the time with these precious women. God really knows what he's doing as we walk this path with Him. Thanks, Gloreah! You are testimony that God works all things for good for those who love Him! |
Oct 25, 2012
something different this year
Retreat. The Annual Retreat.
It used to be in Tahoe, at the family condo, where everyone is familiar with the
surroundings, inside and out.
This year, it's someplace new. Groveland, Pine Mountain Lake, at a family cabin.
It sounds awfully quaint and quiet and very remote. Where nothing is familiar.
Part of the tradition of the retreat is about the preparations, about praying over everything, about hostessing,
about having everything prepared, so that the 'guests' could simply come and relax. It's about
nurturing those in attendance. It's about providing a wonderful, relaxing experience- allowing
the guests to be free from what they do everyday-clean, organize, cook, etc.
"Please bring...fire logs? water bottles? kleenex? tp? papertowels? etc, etc, etc..."
Nothing wrong with that at all. Nothing.
{Then why does it feel empty?}
Everyone is arriving at the same time.
No one has gone ahead and forged the way.
No one has opened the blinds & turned on the heat. No one has strategically, neatly or purposely placed folders and goodie bags on all the beds. No one has prayed over my bed, my room, the kitchen,
the front door. No one has praised God here before me, so that the walls know what that is.
THIS is trusting God. I can't wait!!!
It used to be in Tahoe, at the family condo, where everyone is familiar with the
surroundings, inside and out.
This year, it's someplace new. Groveland, Pine Mountain Lake, at a family cabin.
It sounds awfully quaint and quiet and very remote. Where nothing is familiar.
Part of the tradition of the retreat is about the preparations, about praying over everything, about hostessing,
about having everything prepared, so that the 'guests' could simply come and relax. It's about
nurturing those in attendance. It's about providing a wonderful, relaxing experience- allowing
the guests to be free from what they do everyday-clean, organize, cook, etc.
"Please bring...fire logs? water bottles? kleenex? tp? papertowels? etc, etc, etc..."
Nothing wrong with that at all. Nothing.
{Then why does it feel empty?}
Everyone is arriving at the same time.
No one has gone ahead and forged the way.
No one has opened the blinds & turned on the heat. No one has strategically, neatly or purposely placed folders and goodie bags on all the beds. No one has prayed over my bed, my room, the kitchen,
the front door. No one has praised God here before me, so that the walls know what that is.
THIS is trusting God. I can't wait!!!
Oct 5, 2012
a bag full of gratitude and endless love
thanks, baby girl for making me feel important;
like I've done something important, given something significant.
thank YOU because you've given me everything!!!!!!
YOU are amazing!
I love you with every fiber of my being.
Lifelong Memories
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| stay close dad |
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| Hay. What's this stuff? |
 |
| Hey! You! Come back here! |
 |
| what's this? |
 |
| Mom, did you read the sign? |
Oct 4, 2012
Sep 22, 2012
The most wonderful time of the year!
Leaves turning, smelling fireplaces and heaters coming on for the first time, the annual retreat, the colors of pumpkins, sunflowers and marigolds. Pumpkin patches, Pismo Beach, family time x 100! Shorter days, longer nights. Amazing sunsets, holiday preparations and planning.
Nestling down as the seasons change nurtures my soul.
I am ready!
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