so, yeah...it must have been a premonition, so I didn't completely fall apart today. I worry that I am having a nervous break down when these things happen. (Interestingly enough my recent devotion has been talking about Trusting God. Yeah...easier said than done when you're all alone. Or feel that you are. A testimony to the fact that we must be in fellowship....but I digress...) Today, I was not perfect, I disappointed someone today. It is hugely painful, and frankly another moment, of late, that finds me less than what I want to be and hoped to be for this person. So, I collapse into a puddle...cry out to God "why is this so hard?" and wait...wait...wait for it to stop hurting. The day and all that had to be done kept me moving, away from the hurt. And I am done. For today.
I have never struggled so hard to gain approval and acceptance from any one. When did this all start? I have no idea...maybe its always been this way and I'm just realizing how much I need it. I'm working on this...stay tuned.
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