Today, I was surprised and overwhelmed by the flood of emotions that sprang up as I spent time in our 1976 Starcraft tent trailer. I am excited to be in it again and I'm excited to be able to use it again. I love our tent trailer. See, we get to use it for our annual trek to Pismo Beach for what's been dubbed a 'family reunion'. Our 23rd year meeting family from Southern California midway between here and there.
We purchased the trailer when Sean & Shannon were 2 and 4 years old. (They are now 27 & 29 years old!) As I began doing some cleaning, putting up cleaned curtains, checking for supplies, it begins to happen. Nostalgia cannot be fought off. Every drawer I pulled out held a memory. The tablecloths that used to be sheets on our bed. Shells still tucked in a coffee mug for safe keeping. The dominoes game in a denim sack. The Barbie and Casper beach towels. The old perculator coffee pot. And, then the memories come in rapid fire...the table would be removed to put up the playpen ~Sean and Shannon would sleep together on one side while Dennis and I slept on the other side ~the sink and counter made a perfect place for dishwashing, feet washing and face washing~the dirt crusted faces of my kids waiting patiently for s'mores~playing Old Maid at the table~singing around the campfire Father Abraham. Do they remember? Do they care? Why the heck do I go there?
It just seems that recently, my emotions have been tested to a near breaking point. I know that I'm menopausal, but is it just that? Today's emotions came without warning and continued to spring up with the
slightest look at the tent trailer or thought of re-entering it. Really? Will my life, the rest of my life, be filled with these moments? Why do I remember with tears? Why does my heart ache? I know that my God does not give us anything we cannot handle. I can only rest there, in Him.
Oh, God, please walk with me, hold me and carry me through. I can't do it alone.
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