ah the emotions of it all!!!!!!!

Sometimes I truly believe that I am going CRAZY!  I have so many thoughts and feelings in my mind, on my heart and in my spirit that I struggle to keep everything in-check, in order and safe.  I need to protect me.  I cannot imagine letting all these things pour out freely- ever.   I cannot imagine any possible seepage.  I must, at all cost, manage.  It's like this......every year when we drive up to get our Christmas tree, we pass what we call the 'bulging wall'. It is part of a switchback up the mountain that holds the road above, and all the rest of the mountain at bay. Each year, we notice it is bulging a bit more, and we don't ever want to get stuck in front of it for fear that any recent rain may loosen something in the ground that will cause it to break loose. So, we drive by as quickly as we can! THAT is what I feel like some times. That some mundane moment in time will trigger an avalance of emotion that I can no longer hold back. THAT would not be good! 
I know, I know, we all have stuff...and I'm really no more vulnerable than anyone else.  It's just that recently, I have been flooded with emotions that, although so obviously phantom in nature, nag at me and remind me of my imperfections, my losses and my weakesses.  I find myself struggling for breath sometimes and having to remind myself of Who I belong to (God), What I am (a child of God), and Where I am headed (heaven). There are times when I know that I am only boyant because of my savior Jesus.  Healer, rescuer, lover and friend. Even when I fail, He is.