Wonder above all

2012 New Year's Day

2012-01-01T11:17:00.000-08:00

...2-0-1-2.....
Two thousand and twelve
TwentyTwelve
Two*zero*one*two
2 + 0 + 1 + 2 = 5
5, its a good number

This Biblical Meaning of Number 5 comes from my understanding that it is generally linked with one having grace and redemption - God's grace or life that's moved by the spirit. This number has also been used to describe freedom and completeness.

Yes, it's a good number. It will be a year that finds me gaining grace and being redeemed (often). I will find freedom and can only hope for His completeness! Praise God to whom I dedicate this year, and rededicate my life. (Do-overs are so good for the soul!)

...so WONDER-FULL!

2011-12-22T20:50:00.000-08:00

I love the Christmas Season! I love the lights, the music, the shopping, the baking, gifting, giving, gatherings with family and friends. I love the chaos, the noise and even the idiot drivers. I love it ALL. Despite the craziness, the full schedule and the busy-ness, with a heart so full I can't help but thrive! Everything falling into place, all the 'To Do's' are checked off. I'm sitting, yes, sitting and relaxing! Just chillin' out and its 2 days before Christmas Eve!
Crazy!

ponder

2011-12-15T07:57:00.000-08:00

1: to weigh in the mind : appraise
2: to think about : reflect on

...and Mary pondered these things in her heart.

I've been thinkin'...

2011-12-02T23:12:00.000-08:00

...about this personal phenomenon~ this recent, personal revelation. I am convinced that my desire for approval is no more than a simple need to move on with my 'empty nesting' life knowing that he cares. Its not so much approval as much as it is appreciation. To know that I did my job and did it well and it was appreciated. That all I thought I was, all I thought I did, all I thought I gave, all that I willingly gave up means something. That all the moments I worked so hard to maintain for tradition and memories are important.

Doesn't everyone want to be appreciated, valued, even treasured?

Doesn't everyone want to feel that they

are important to the ones they love? Doesn't everyone want positive connections with their family?

I watch similar relationships and crave the connection that allows for patience, understanding and a genuine love that's shown. I want to be loved unconditionally. I don't want to be teased, made fun of, talked to or reprimanded like a child, I don't want to be mandated to do things or be the butt of jokes. I want to be loved. I want to be hugged & held. I want quiet moments with my family in intimate conversation covered by love and grace. But maybe I don't get that here, in this life ~ but only with my God. AH...yes, That IS good enough. I know that my God loves me here, today, unconditionally. I know that He will meet my needs. In fact, yes, He has met those needs. They have come in the most unexpected places! Thank You Lord.

It doesn't change my hope that in this physical world I can have that with my family. The ones He has given to me to love, grow and nurture.

I'm still thinking.....praying about all this. Stay tuned.

....and day.

2011-11-29T20:05:00.000-08:00

so, yeah...it must have been a premonition, so I didn't completely fall apart today. I worry that I am having a nervous break down when these things happen. (Interestingly enough my recent devotion has been talking about Trusting God. Yeah...easier said than done when you're all alone. Or feel that you are. A testimony to the fact that we must be in fellowship....but I digress...) Today, I was not perfect, I disappointed someone today. It is hugely painful, and frankly another moment, of late, that finds me less than what I want to be and hoped to be for this person. So, I collapse into a puddle...cry out to God "why is this so hard?" and wait...wait...wait for it to stop hurting. The day and all that had to be done kept me moving, away from the hurt. And I am done. For today.
I have never struggled so hard to gain approval and acceptance from any one. When did this all start? I have no idea...maybe its always been this way and I'm just realizing how much I need it. I'm working on this...stay tuned.

teary, teary night

2011-11-27T23:09:00.000-08:00

...and it just won't stop. my heart aches, my head swirls, my mind reels. Thoughts and feelings I thought buried just keep bubbling up, like a leaky window, obviously broken only when it rains.
Questions in rapid fire weaken the walls. A deep sadness overwhelms me and hope seems lost...just for a moment. I will not let it go. I know that joy will come in the morning. I will sleep through the renewal. Lord, take the hurt and make it something. Grow your grace and wisdom inside of me. I wish to find rest in you Lord. Renew me to do your will, to BE your will. I am yours.

I just watched him for a moment....

2011-11-08T16:31:00.000-08:00

..and a flood of emotions filled my heart and mind. Isaiah is so beautiful. His eyes hold such innocence and his smile speaks of wonder at EVERYTHING! "Wonder Above All", the title of my blog, started over 2 years ago, before Isaiah was even born! Wonder can be as magical as it can be spiritual. Wonder can answer questions and allow us to see beyond reality. Wonder can lead us to incredible places, if we just would keep life as pure as a child's heart, where wonder comes from.
I've always loved watching children 'wonder at the world', but in my grandson, Isaiah, I feel that there is so much more going on in that little brain of his. I am enamored with his wonder, with how he pulls things apart to see how they work or pushes all the buttons to see an action or reaction or how he watches the wind in the trees with such awe. It's all stuff we grown ups take for granted.
I don't want to lose my wonder, or take life for granted. I want to know it deeply. I want to learn about it all over again. I want to put words to my actions and find joy in each moment, like he does. I want to breathe it in every day and give it back to the world.
As the big, wonder-filled world moves and evolves and all its adult complications fill our minds, cloud our hearts and attempt to steal our joy, I pray that we can focus on the moments that make up our days and the hopes that will get us from one day to the next. That we can see beyond ourselves and find peace in Who and what we find.
Wonder, above all.....reach inside, find where you left the child. Its there. "Come to me as a little child". He's calling. Listen.

oh yeah. i will be back!

2011-11-04T19:01:00.000-07:00

Point Reyes....the begining.

OMG....what a view! Yes, we are staying here!

This is the ocean. OMG!

...

Last one, closest to the beach....one of 3 cabins. I'm not sure where 1-24 are.

Isn't this the cutest?

On the ride home. Top of the road at the Marine Headlands. Spectacular!

We had lunch here, in Petaluma. Excellent!

Just chillin'. That's what it's all about!

My family. My heart.

On the way home. The view of the countryside with Tomales Bay and the ocean in the background.

Glore'Ah Retreat 2011

2011-11-04T18:22:00.000-07:00

Goodie Bags to share treats

Dinner at West Side Pizza

'Mail Boxes' to send blessings, wishes and
encouragement to one another

gifts to share with one another

Always a supply of candles, Tahoe water and
munchies!

Time to meditate, write, be still and rest!

Outside time is always a must. This year, Yoga!

The first........

2011-11-04T18:12:00.000-07:00

....picture of us with Isaiah.

Come On...Say YES!

2011-10-17T22:57:00.000-07:00

A mother's dream...well my dream. Yes, I got to go shopping with my daughter for her wedding dress!
Not that I had any real dreams about it, but you know, it's one of those 'full circle' moments~ like watching your children have children. Yes, these moments hold lots of emotion for me. Its "hidden-in-the-heart" and "nestled-in-my-mind" stuff, but mostly swaddled in my heart~ all for safe keeping.
She said YES...and in that moment, I watched my baby girl transform from child to woman.
She was cute, now she is beautiful. She used to awkwardly play dress up and now I can say that she is graceful. She used to make mudpies and serve them, today she is precious & fragile. She is glowing.
And in that instant a myriad of thoughts and feelings flood my mind and blindside me. Her life flashes before my eyes and they fill just to the brink of overflowing.
Today she is my child. Reality is that she's not mine for long.

In subsequent, melancholy moments I understand that she never was mine. God let me hold her. He molded her, He grew her. And as she grew, I spoke with the Gardener himself freely and believed that He would make her who He wanted her to be. I can see that today. She is His; a fine and priceless work of art. Incomplete & unfinished, yet so very beautiful in this moment; just who she is supposed to be, for this moment, this time, this place, this man, Benjamin Allen.

My prayer is that she will realize who she is in Christ. That she will know who she is purposed to be today, tomorrow and every day after that. And, in that knowledge, may she walk in strength and courage to move from moment to moment confident that all she lives makes her who God wants her to be. That all she does, honors the Gardener who waits for her to bloom in perfect timing, in every season.

And, all she had to do was say YES......

Back to reality

2011-09-28T21:55:00.001-07:00

...from Pismo's annual trek.
Weather. Bikes. Beauty. Shopping. Splash! Sunsets. Pancho's.
Morro Bay. Salt water taffy. Pier. Treasures. Dunes.Trailers. Fudge. BBQ. Sweet treats.
Family.
Memories. Campfires. S'mores. Moondoggies. BIG breakfast. Reunion. Scoops.
Cinnamon rolls. Walks. Place of peace. Crashing waves. Arroyo Grande. Grover Beach.
Shell Beach and of course the Avila Farm where the Harvest Season is born!

I remember them~aunt, uncle, moms. They loved it.
I love it.
Hopes. Dreams.

Every year, something different...but mostly the same.
Such comfort in the same ol, same ol places, people, things.
But oh such fun looking for something new!
This year was RON.s. A wonderfully eclectic mix of nursery, & home decor store.
Simple. Old. New. Repurposed. Perfect pairings. Perfect mixes. Plain. Sophisticated.
It was a true find!

Who knows what we'll find next year.
Yes, we'll keep going as long as we have family, as long
as the the waves roll and the fog creeps in.
Pismo, see you next year.

dreams vs. reality

2011-09-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

Every one of us has dreams about what we think some of

our most poignant moments in life will

look like and feel like.

Why is it that I can't get them in sync?

Me...m'ries...

2011-09-12T22:44:00.000-07:00

Today, I was surprised and overwhelmed by the flood of emotions that sprang up as I spent time in our 1976 Starcraft tent trailer. I am excited to be in it again and I'm excited to be able to use it again. I love our tent trailer. See, we get to use it for our annual trek to Pismo Beach for what's been dubbed a 'family reunion'. Our 23rd year meeting family from Southern California midway between here and there.
We purchased the trailer when Sean & Shannon were 2 and 4 years old. (They are now 27 & 29 years old!) As I began doing some cleaning, putting up cleaned curtains, checking for supplies, it begins to happen. Nostalgia cannot be fought off. Every drawer I pulled out held a memory. The tablecloths that used to be sheets on our bed. Shells still tucked in a coffee mug for safe keeping. The dominoes game in a denim sack. The Barbie and Casper beach towels. The old perculator coffee pot. And, then the memories come in rapid fire...the table would be removed to put up the playpen ~Sean and Shannon would sleep together on one side while Dennis and I slept on the other side ~the sink and counter made a perfect place for dishwashing, feet washing and face washing~the dirt crusted faces of my kids waiting patiently for s'mores~playing Old Maid at the table~singing around the campfire Father Abraham. Do they remember? Do they care? Why the heck do I go there?
It just seems that recently, my emotions have been tested to a near breaking point. I know that I'm menopausal, but is it just that? Today's emotions came without warning and continued to spring up with the
slightest look at the tent trailer or thought of re-entering it. Really? Will my life, the rest of my life, be filled with these moments? Why do I remember with tears? Why does my heart ache? I know that my God does not give us anything we cannot handle. I can only rest there, in Him.
Oh, God, please walk with me, hold me and carry me through. I can't do it alone.

2011-09-12T21:56:00.000-07:00

Courageous...The Way

2011-09-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

I want my husband and son to see these-together- preferably. Lord direct their paths so that this happens, I believe it is Your will and it will make a difference. In many people's lives. In Jesus' name!

empty places....

2011-09-04T21:38:00.000-07:00

My hubby is off visiting family, in Georgia and there are some empty places around here. His side of the bed, and his Lazy Boy recliner. Even the blower, rake and scoop pan look lonely. I almost feel guilty walking past them in the garage!
I hope he uses his time with family wisely, as much as I hope to use this time alone, at home wisely. Praying & thinking. Cleaning and organizing. And more praying.
Opening of hearts and minds, new views, new ideas, new thoughts, new minds. "Absence makes the heart grow....".
Grow our hearts Lord. Guide us, lead us, speak to us, renew us and draw us close to You and close to one another. We seek Your will, Your way, Your path, Your desire, Your love, Your hope and how to walk in Your grace and Your mercy. Build us up to what You have called us to be and to do! We love you Lord. Thank you that you fill the empty places!

wa hoooo

2011-08-24T21:08:00.000-07:00

The Beach and Tahoe

back to back?

How crazy is that?

It's a blessing and a bit daunting as I ponder what needs to be done in a mere 48 hours to get ready for them!
Maybe I'm the crazy one! ...Nah.....I love it!

It will totally be worth the next three sleepless nights, the endless lists, running around town, fighting Friday traffic, competing for parking spaces, cooking, laundry, packing, and
looking for the perfect and unique to share!
(It's the remembering part that is daunting. Everything else I can handle with joy!)
"Hosting the Beach" is so much fun. Tahoe will be the reward and
relaxation after the party! Not to mention its a time to celebrate our anniversary.
Our 32nd anniversary!
wa hoooo!

TIME

2011-08-21T23:12:00.000-07:00

So, I wonder.
When does this stop...you know, this looking back and realizing it's gone? Its past? Its done?
TIME, that is.
The moments of my children running through the house, hugs shared- unsolicited, giggling under the covers, discovering the world, tears shed, all the firsts...the pride-filled accomplishments, they won't ever happen again. I was somebody to my kids then. They were my world, the reason for my existence.
Tears tumble over my cheeks as I try to make sense of how I am feeling. Did I not expect this to happen?
Isn't this the cycle of life? Is this how my mom felt? Is this how her mom felt? (I doubt it...but you never know)
Had I known then, what I feel now, I would have bottled and put into ziplock bags all those moments, all those sounds, all those feelings so that I could hold them, hear them and feel them again.
To hear my son call me 'mommy', to have my daughter ask for a hug and a kiss goodnight~ those were the precious moments in my life that I won't ever get to have again.
I know, we raise our kids the best we can with what we know and with all that we learn along the way. And, they grow up and they do the same. They will raise their kids the best they can with what they know and with all that they learn along the way....and the cycle will continue.
It's been said that we get second chances with our grandchildren. And, yes, I will certainly love my grandchildren,and hopefully create moments and memories with them, but I don't want a second chance! I want to know that I did well and that what I thought was important meant something to somebody. I want to be wanted and needed and loved because I am important to somebody. I want to be included because THEY think I should be, not because I want to be. I fear being lonely, left out and alone. Silly? Probably. Yet, they are very real thoughts and feelings in this moment.
I'm afraid there will me more of these moments of melancholy over the next year as we plan and experience Shannon's wedding and our home truly becomes the empty nest that its threatened to be for a while now.

Bear with me, love me, support me. Encourage me, love me and love me some more. I will survive. I will see the other side of this morph in triumph. There may be a river of tears at the end of the journey, but they will be what bouys me beyond myself and into who I am meant to be~ once more.

2011-07-25T21:32:00.000-07:00

A Weekend of Memories

This was definitely a weekend of mixed emotions, primarily joy in the celebration of family being together. I love my family! From walking and sharing with my sisters, remembering our Mom, watching my children take charge, seeing kids growing and, of course, my dad getting remarried. It's a beautiful thing. FAMILY.

Remember Me

2011-07-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

While at Shasta Lake, boating and skiing and eating and playing and talking, sunning and putting life's cares in our back pockets, God tries to get our attention. Day and night, His glory shone all around us.

And then he puts it right in our face.

I remember, Lord. Thank You!

the next generation

2011-03-15T11:55:00.000-07:00

Joy in a dress shirt

2011-02-28T22:03:00.000-08:00

WOW...just wow

2011-02-15T05:32:00.000-08:00

In the bleery-eyed darkness of the morning, I am contemplating the day with Isaiah in my arms. As I deeply breathe in his baby scent and listen to the rhythm of his breathing, I am transported back into the long forgotten past. When my first child was born...1982. The surroundings are different and my life is 'evolved', but the darkness remains the same, the feeling of nurture is the same, the passion for this little life is the same, the prayers are the same and the dreams are the same. I am struck by the sense of wonder I feel.
There were so many hopes and dreams, so many things to do, places to go, things to learn & to become, to provide, to accomplish..... Did I do them all? Was I successful? Did he get what he needed? Did I do it right? Honestly, I can't say that I did. And I don't remember all the lists. I just don't know where the time went. Today, I just pray that my God continues to guide his steps. That's what I can do today-pray, for my son, for his son. So, that's what I do-pray.
Its been an amazing journey, this life of mine, from first child to first grandchild. Lord, continue to bless my life with health, faith, joy and hope, that I may bless and impact this young life and all the rest that follow for a long time to come! Amen.

In the quiet

2011-02-03T14:12:00.000-08:00

As I sit here, savoring the quiet, I feel satisfied and alone.
Alone---it sounds so ominous, doesn't it?
But, the reality is that I love my life.
(Really...there are only short moments when I find it really lonely.)
I guess, I've made that my world. I am a caregiver.
Caregiving has very little real reciprocity. My role as wife and mother fosters my caregiving role.
My job for 24 years as a childcare provider also fostered my caregiving role.
Being the oldest of 5 children, is where I learned to be a caregiver.
Even in my closest personal relationships, I am the caregiver.
(Not sure if I fall into that roll or if I am given it in my relationships.
THAT is a whole other subject.)
Nevertheless, it is satisfying. My life is satisfying.
I am filled with a huge sense of completeness when I can be of any assistance,
give any wisdom, share any life experience. My heart delights in the opportunities
to give~ when I can be used.
I thank God for what I have, what I can share, what I can give.
I truly am satisfied.
Another word I want to make mine this year...SATISFIED.
So in the quiet, I beg "Father, use me up for your glory!"

WE NEED MORE!

2011-02-02T12:47:00.000-08:00

Despite Puxatone Phil's prediction of a soon coming spring, I am determined that we need more winter...more cold, more wet, more wind, more, more more! I am NOT done with winter!

old friends...

2011-02-02T11:59:00.000-08:00

...are the best! Butch and Linda have been part of our married lives since Sean was 6 months old (he's now 29). Butch, however, has been part of Dennis' life since elementary school. Now, that's an old friend!
Sitting with them recently, I was struck with the level of intimacy and comfortability we had with them. We tossed around old memories like a favorite toy-treasured and ever present. It was a delightful mix of the past, present and future...ours and the world's. Thanks friends for sharing the delight of the past, for your interest in the present and care and concern for the future! We love you.

2011-01-26T15:53:00.000-08:00

Amazing
                                            Wonder
                                                                                                Wonder-full

                                     Glorious....

These are words I claim for this year! Lord pour them into my mind, my heart and my spirit!

Full

2011-01-20T21:49:00.000-08:00

As I sit and contemplate the day, I feel full. Not in my gut, but in my heart. Caring for my grandson, Isaiah, not only filled my day, but what we were experiencing together inside the house was matched by the fabulous weather outside! The spring-ness of the day, the joy of watching my grandson sleep, listening to his attempts at conversation, watching him explore the world with his eyes....while you know that you are blessing his mom with some quiet time, nap time, school work time.... it all just flowed. Dinner with my husband, time with my daughter, sharing time with a friend. Man, am I blessed. And, then, a full moon rises outside! Full is my head, full is my heart, filled is my life!

it is just so wonder-full!

2010-12-03T15:01:00.000-08:00

Isaiah got to spend the night last night- allowing mom and dad a full night's sleep. What a blessing to be used in that way. Thanks for the moments.....they were wonder-full!

It's here!

2010-12-01T20:58:00.000-08:00

"Are you willing to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world - stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death - and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem nineteen hundred years ago is the image and brightness of the Eternal Love? Then you can keep Christmas"

-- Henry Van Dyke

On this December 1st, I am anxious to begin 'keeping' Christmas. Boxes should come down tomorrow, decorating will begin at that moment....then there's tree chopping in the "promised land", sharing this time with family and friends and the holiday season can begin. We will have christened the season with these few, small rituals.

Yes, we will be ready because we know that love is the strongest thing in the world.

Our giving, sharing and decorating becomes part of our remembrance of Christ's birth. The way the lights shine throughout the season, the way the house smells and the way the neighborhood feels warm, despite the cool, wet night air. The busy-ness of the season feels comfortable, it fits well. I love this time of year. I want to include everyone in these traditions, these feelings. I want to give them all a moment to savor. A smile, a word of encouragment, a touch. Doesn't everyone deserve that? I say yes....
Welcome, Christmas, come on in!

considering Thanksgiving...

2010-11-21T18:33:00.000-08:00

"...be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who
belong in Christ ." 1Thessalonians 5:18

I am in Christ. I am thankful. I am in God's will.
Praise God for the hope we have in Him!

The Baking Bonanza!

2010-11-20T19:56:00.000-08:00

Today, one of my favorite kind of days.
On again, off again rain, clouds and dark skies. Some
smattering of sunshine, but a day to stay inside.
The plan was to bake until the sun went down, in preparation
for the onslaught of company for the Thanksgiving holiday.
OMG...what a day!
a Kahlua Cake
Double layer Pumpkin Pie
Tollhouse Pie (a gift for Ben)
Tipsy Chocolate Pecan Pie
and Apple Cheesecake.
Then a batch of fudge (usually reserved for Christmas)
a pot of chicken soup and artichoke dip as well as some bacon crumbles for dinner
tomorrow.
Anyone hungry?

favorite....

2010-11-17T23:20:00.000-08:00

journey....

2010-11-17T23:11:00.000-08:00

"...the act of travelling from one place to another..."
Today, I am choosing to move along.
I still carry the hurt, but the pain will not keep me from being what and who
I need to be. Thank You for the courage, Lord. Continue to guide my steps.
I give the baggage to you to carry. Do with it as you please.

Remind me whenever I question the situation that it's about L*O*V*E.

Maybe, Baby

2010-11-06T22:56:00.000-07:00

Isaiah has triumphantly entered the world!
He was born on November 3, 2010 and 3:58AM. He weighed 7 lbs 4 oz and was 19 inches long. His APGAR score was 10 and he only held mom in active labor for about 3 hours! Mom did a great job! Dad is still in shock. Neither can believe that this new life is a reality. He is perfect. He is beautiful. After 9 months of dreaming, planning, thinking, considering, creating, hoping and praying~ he is here. Will he make a difference? God, please.

...inlaws as outlaws?

2010-10-28T22:48:00.000-07:00

Even after 3 years, every once in a while it creeps in...and I have no ability to make it stop. My heart races, tears fill my eyes. It can happen anywhere. In the car, at work, in the kitchen. No matter how much I push it out it just won't go away! The tape plays over in my head and I feel the pain in my heart all over again.
She pulls out a list written on notepaper..."So, I just wanted to talk to you about some things." "Did you even know I was mad at you?" "I'm sure you could tell." What? Wait...what? Me? You're talking to me? My heart jumps into my chest and I am frozen. Just recounting it causes a lump in my throat and stings my eyes...why won't all these feelings go away? I can't remember anything but individual words and the flood of feelings that just keep coming back mad-sad-not doing- too much- so mad- you don't-you do. I don't even know what was said any more! Since then, its been nothing short of a haunting. I am grateful, however, that I have been able to just love her. Despite that, I do feel guarded and it causes me to always second guess myself. I worry about what I may or may not be doing or saying. I just want to be. Be myself. Will that ever happen? I love her with all my heart and can't figure out how to make it different. Who knew that being an inlaw could actually make you feel like an outlaw?

Ten Great Campfire Destinations in America - SmarterTravel.com

2010-08-08T09:46:00.000-07:00

Ten Great Campfire Destinations in America - SmarterTravel.com

America's Best Ice Cream Shops

2010-07-18T10:40:00.000-07:00

Happy National Ice Cream Day!!!
Celebrate with these decadent treats.
America's Best Ice Cream Shops - SmarterTravel.com

...it's over now....

2010-07-10T16:05:00.000-07:00

boo hoo...vacation is over...and it didn't even feel like a vacation. I feel unfulfilled.

Oh, don't get me wrong, it was beautiful. The sounds were as expected,

the sights were everything I dreamt of. The fireworks over the lake were exquisite. We even had an unexpected patriotic kids parade ~ complete with decorated bikes and scooters, a flag leading the procession and a dog wearing an Uncle Sam hat! But, there was no walk to the mansion, no trek to Emerald Bay on the water, no biking or even the shortest hike to the top of Eagle Rock. I'm not sure what we did, but our time there was filled...hmmmm, something was missing...or should I say something was just not right....Maybe it is simply unfulfilled expectations (that happens to me alot). Maybe, but really I think it has something to do with the company, or maybe it is my inability to really relax, worrying about what others needed or wanted. Maybe it was tainted by the plans that were made, fine tuned, expected and and then changed---oh, about 3 or 4 times! I couldn't count on anything. Maybe it was all the worry about what everyone else worried about. Maybe it's just because it ended, and I just can't see it any more.

During this year's vacation I was reminded of the joys I have been missing from our simple family vacations. I miss watching the kids having experiences that they will always remember. I miss gathering extended family and friends together around a camp fire or a picnic table filled with food. I miss the simplicity and the general anticipation of it all. I crave the sameness, the repetition, the pure delight of having everyone around and knowing that they WANTED to be there.

I guess, too that I have been thinking about, wishing and hoping for some tradition to be established as we get ready to welcome our 1st grandchild into the world. I hope that our grandchildren will get to go to Tahoe every year~ at least once in the summer and once in the winter. I hope that our grandchildren will have memories with the other kids that spend the entire summer there catching crawdads, challenging each other to contests in the frigid waters, boating, sunning, hiking, biking, horseback riding, etc. I hope that our grandchildren will go to the beach every summer, experiencing the warm sand, predictable waves and learn to love the Boardwalk. I pray that they will want to come to our home and get excited at the thought of time with us. I hope that I will be able to create and share those memories with our grandchildren. I want to be wanted, and included but I'm not so sure how that will happen...if it will happen.

So, this year's summer vacation makes its full circle. Again, my unreal expectations outweigh the reality. I'm learning to deal with it & just get over it! Now, I can only hope, pray and wish for the future. With God's help, I'll get to a place where my expectations will meet reality in equitable collaboration and joy will fill the days with memory making, simplicity and delight. I look forward to that with a ready heart and await the joys of loving so deeply it hurts and the memories made are the salve to heal it all!

The countdown begins.....

2010-06-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

Waiting...waiting...waiting until 7 glorious days at Tahoe! Yep, vacation is coming! I love Tahoe, and there's just something about celebrating the birth of our nation, 4th of July, on the water with fireworks! Of course, the gentleman on the dock who belts out "God Bless America" when all the fireworks are done certainly adds to the deep, heartfelt love of the night!

Ah, yes, and even though the waters get choppier earlier, and crowds of people seem to ooze out of the forest, traffic doubles or triples and going to the store becomes a day-long trip, if we are prepared we will avoid most of it and be able to soak in the quaint, lazy daze!
I'm looking forward to the smell of the pines, the view from the balcony and the sounds of boats on the water. I can hardly wait to walk to the 'mansion' and Eagle Rock-maybe even do some biking this year! I can't wait for the first ride up and down the shore from Incline to Emerald Bay and finally, immersing myself into the bluest of blue depths to cool off!
Yes, I always look forward to vacation....but I am especially fond of Tahoe. Maybe because my parents loved it so much, maybe because it simply mesmerizes me. Winter, fall, summer~ it's a different place each season. It fills my senses and revives my soul. I find rest and solace in this place. I am me, here.
Waiting, waiting, waiting....

time flies and I am filled...

2010-06-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

....its been too long...too short...too big...too small....too long. It is simply too incredible to consider that my niece and nephew are now a high schooler and a college man!
San Diego was fabulous! I love my family...small doses are good. But I really miss my sister Carol. I miss her humor. I love her spirit and I love to watch her be a mom and wife. I miss her B.S., too. I cry every time I have to leave her. Spending time with her makes me crave more!
She and I teamed up to give my sister Beth a makeover of sorts. With Carol's prodding and my counsel, we were able to get her to change her haircolor and get her hair cut! She looks beautiful! 10 years younger, brighter and so vibrant! We hope that this is the push she needs to boost her confidence and enable her to not only land a job, but make some wiser choices in her life.
So, while lives were changing-our hearts were warmed. While kids were growing up right before my eyes, my life became fuller. As I breathed deeply the wafting scent of fresh hopes and dreams, my heart softened and life enveloped me. Is this how people hold onto these moments? We grow bigger to hold them all? Or are we able to ''zip file" them to fill the available space?

The big "C" Phase II

2010-06-13T15:17:00.000-07:00

So, Dennis is now well passed phase two of his cancer treatments. Praise God, he has recently, successfully undergone the brachytherapy~ otherwise known as the implantation of tiny radioactive seeds into his prostate. He had 55 seeds placed for a partial dose implant. The biggest fear after this procedure was his ability to pee pain- free and, praise God, he did great! He did have to use a seive the first day or so, just in case any of those little seeds tried to escape, but not one escaped!
Now, we wait for phase three-direct laser therapy. We have his first appointment on June 30th to meet the radiation oncologist and make a plan for this final phase of treatments. What we do know is that it will be 5-6 weeks of daily (Monday through Friday), 10-15 minute treatments. What we don't know is when it will start and how it will affect him. We expect that it will drain him a bit, making him tired. But, as this phase unfolds, I will keep you posted! In the meantime, we are continuing to believe God for complete healing. He is doing a wonderful work. Your prayers are coveted!

A Mah'velous Mother's Day

2010-05-12T18:03:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day hasn't always been a day to be pampered around here.

In all fairness, it's usually been a special day to have all the family around, whether at home or elsewhere. And I LOVE THAT! But, ultimately, the moms did the planning, preparing, cooking, cleaning and shopping and had little opportunity to actually savor the time with her family. But, because it was a reason to gather, no one ever minded what could be considered 'work'.

But this year...this year... was an exquisite example of what Mother's Day should be and I joyfully savored every moment! I will admit that it was odd not to be included in the planning, not knowing who was attending, not knowing what was being served or who was doing what. But I finally let go and just allowed the day to evolve.

I was not disappointed! From the flowers to the endless food buffet, the fabulous weather, my lovely extended family, meaty conversations, the dessert and even the picture taking...

It was a glorious day from start to finish.

Thank you children for listening
and acknowledging what I wanted to be important!

"When a child is born, so are grandmothers and grandfathers."

2010-05-02T14:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it's official. Today begins a new phase in our lives. We are going to be grandparents!
In a room filled with almost the entire family (a rarity in and of itself), my son tries to get everyone's attention-his wife looking at him with an anticipatory smile as he shares that she is pregnant. As if life couldn't get more exciting, God presents us with this moment of wonderfulness. And, as with any death-defying moment, my life flashes before my eyes. I am overwhelmed with emotion, thoughts and feelings. My heart races, then stops and restarts, my mind jumbles with a myriad of thoughts colliding and bouncing off my brain. Then, simple joy overtakes the chaos in my head and I stand back and watch in contentment, my insides still fluttering from the rush! I watch the congratulations going around...hugs & love, questions about due dates and how mom is feeling. I hardly have the words to express my feelings. All I can do is to join in the revelry and express, face-to-face, arm to arm, shoulder to shoulder, to both Sean and Lizzy, my most heartfelt congratulations with big hugs, fighting back the tears that threaten to change the celebratrory mood.
Now, I am to become what I've known since childhood would be the most wonderful and precious phase of my life~that of grandparent. I had a wonderful example of grandparenting in my Grandma Mimi. Her hospitality and her selflessness were wonderful examples to me. In the months to come, as I ponder this new role, I will share moments and memories. One will know the richness of my childhood through them. I can only pray that I will be the grandparent she was to me. My heart has the desire and I trust God will handle the reality.

Taking the Healing

2010-05-02T13:36:00.000-07:00

....so, as we continue to deal with this prostate cancer, I know, without a doubt that we are blessed. I know that God has a purpose here. I don't know what it is or where He will lead us. I really don't know alot, but I trust Him. As I am learning to trust Him more and more, He is revealing some pretty interesting things to me. First and foremost He is encouraging me to know that I am not in control of my husband's health, his life choices or even his cancer. Then, I get to pray. I get to rest in His hands and I get to place my husband there, too---every day. He is showing me how growing in Him is all about what we allow Him to do in us. My God is awesome and wonderful.
God is also speaking clearly to Dennis. Earlier this week, he came home, after an evening dinner and prayer meeting with his men's group, with a revelation. He told me that when some of the men were praying, for health issues, healings, etc. he started to have a bit of a pity party. He has been faithfully sharing with everyone that God is going to heal him, and he has spoken nothing but healing since his diagnosis. But, he began to wonder "what if God doesn't heal me?" He worried first for himself, but then, in deeper thinking, he really didn't want those non-believers in his life to think less of his God because he was not healed. Then, the Lord moved and in his spirit he felt a peace that spoke. It spoke that even if he was not healed in the natural, the confidence he has in his healing is leading him to heaven, where he will be whole and healthy. So, either way, he wins! Wow. Now, that's a revelation. So, Dennis is taking the healing walk. That is living for God's purpose, no matter what. What an honor. What a blessing to be part of the plan!

Sharks Game- ED - March 2010 047.jpg

2010-03-18T16:51:00.001-07:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

Never in a million years............

2010-03-04T18:31:00.000-08:00

I'm going to see the Sharks, in a box...with folks I work with!
We get dinner and everything!!!!!!!!!!
Never thought I would ever go to one of these games...I can't wait!

Spring....already?

2010-02-25T10:19:00.000-08:00

The Fear of the Lord | Articles | SmallGroups.com

2010-02-10T12:05:00.000-08:00

The Fear of the Lord Articles SmallGroups.com

the next step

2010-01-18T18:24:00.000-08:00

So, it's still there. The cancer, I mean. Now that we know, and have been able to process the information, it seems that we get to move onto what we do about it. We saw the surgeon and he says that Dennis isn't a candidated for surgery. I'm sorry to hear that. Dennis is not. So, now, he gets to have hormone shots, will survive outpatient surgery to implant radioactive pinheads into his prostate, and then he gets to endure daily direct laser beam treatments for up to 8 weeks. Come late spring time, he should be done. But, remission can't be declared for 2 years. We can wait. In the meantime, I can only hope and pray that he will begin to take better care of himself. We've talked and talked about this. I will not nag. He has to want to be different. Right? "Lord, instill in him whatever it is he needs to want to make a difference in his own life!"

ah the emotions of it all!!!!!!!

2010-01-11T18:44:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I truly believe that I am going CRAZY! I have so many thoughts and feelings in my mind, on my heart and in my spirit that I struggle to keep everything in-check, in order and safe. I need to protect me. I cannot imagine letting all these things pour out freely- ever. I cannot imagine any possible seepage. I must, at all cost, manage. It's like this......every year when we drive up to get our Christmas tree, we pass what we call the 'bulging wall'. It is part of a switchback up the mountain that holds the road above, and all the rest of the mountain at bay. Each year, we notice it is bulging a bit more, and we don't ever want to get stuck in front of it for fear that any recent rain may loosen something in the ground that will cause it to break loose. So, we drive by as quickly as we can! THAT is what I feel like some times. That some mundane moment in time will trigger an avalance of emotion that I can no longer hold back. THAT would not be good!
I know, I know, we all have stuff...and I'm really no more vulnerable than anyone else. It's just that recently, I have been flooded with emotions that, although so obviously phantom in nature, nag at me and remind me of my imperfections, my losses and my weakesses. I find myself struggling for breath sometimes and having to remind myself of Who I belong to (God), What I am (a child of God), and Where I am headed (heaven). There are times when I know that I am only boyant because of my savior Jesus. Healer, rescuer, lover and friend. Even when I fail, He is.

2010-01-03T15:23:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking........

2010-01-01T17:42:00.000-08:00

I love New Years Eve. It has traditionally been a quiet and purposeful time. After all the hubbub of Christmas we generally celebrate in a low key way with friends or simply spend quiet time, alone. We watch all the specials on TV, including Dick Clark and the Times Square ball dropping. Then, there's all the after-parties that are televised. It's great to be a snuggled up in pjs and watch all the fancy frocked folks ringing in the new year!

This year, because I got to work on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, there's no way we could do any real celebrating. So, after falling asleep on the couch at 9pm and getting comfy under the covers by 10pm, at 12:05am I was quite rudely awoken by firecrackers, fireworks, horns and other noises that I couldn't identify. Once I could process what was happening, I realized that Dennis had not yet come to bed (an unusual occurence) and I had only 5 hours left until my alarm went off! As I lay there struggling to go back to sleep, I began thinking about how alive the world was at this traditional bewitching hour....and for about 30 minutes, there was more life in the outside world, than there had been during the daylight hours! Then I got to thinking how awesome our world would be if we celebrated our Lord in such a way each day. How exciting it would be to wake up to the singing of praises and the sights and sounds of firecreackers all blessing and honoring God. How comforting to know that while I slept, there were keepers of the praise; that while I snoozed there were others taking the mantle and honoring God. (Not that I'm so good at it...but I would hope my voice, my joy would be missed!)

So, then, I was just thinking what it will be like in heaven. Streets of gold, pearls in the gates, beautiful gemstones everywhere, no darkness (that means no shadows!), mansions on every corner, angels everywhere. And Jesus as close as my thoughts! The anticipation makes my heart kinda flutter! What a glorious way to start the new year. Keep your eye on the prize my friends....its what gets us through...what sparks the hope and keeps the flame alive!

A New Year!!

2009-12-31T19:05:00.000-08:00

As I watch 2009 slip away....with only hours and seconds to go... I am reminded of all the joy in new beginings, healing and growth this year has given. I almost wish it wasn't leaving (yes, I know, that's silly). 2010 promises to be a year of growth, too. So, we are walking into the new year with eyes wide open, wearing hope and faith boldly on our sleeves. We are crowning ourselves with love and walking with peace at our sides. God has set our path and our feet are set upon His Rock! We are surely blessed to trust in Him and know Him as God.

May God bless you richly, too!

this is why.....

2009-12-30T18:10:00.000-08:00

I read in Psalms 107:20 “He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their

destructions.” and then, in Jeremiah 1:12 God said “..for I watch over my word to perform it.”

He said it and I believe it.

Repeat after me........

2009-12-23T18:49:00.000-08:00

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23

Our Banner

2009-12-23T18:46:00.000-08:00

"Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place." 2 Corinthians 2:14

The big "C"

2009-12-23T13:32:00.000-08:00

Our family has just been introduced to cancer. My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer last week. Our celebrations of the holiday season this year, now include research and generally gathering information on prostate cancer. Wow.
I learned a long time ago, with the disappearance of my sister, that it CAN happen to you. I and my family are not immune to life's challenges and disappointments. But I have also come to know that challenges can be met and victories can be won!
There are a myriad of feelings that hit you with this diagnosis. But we must sift through them and compartmentalize them to be in control of them. We can't afford runaway thoughts, ideas and feelings. We choose life and so, we begin this journey stepping out in celebration of our Lord's birth, the whole reason why we have hope! Praise God for these challenges. They strengthen and build us up. Dennis and I are choosing faith in the promises of God. The answers are Yes and Amen. We are the head and not the tail. We are blessed coming and going. Dennis is healed by Christ's stripes and it is our faith that will speak to this disease and it is our faith that will find him healed. It is our faith that will walk with us through this challenge and give us peace and comfort.
"Thank You, Lord for your peace and may we be a testimony to the power of Your love!"

Happy Holidays!!!

2009-12-12T15:48:00.000-08:00

Now that the decorating is done...tree is festive, tables set, pictures up, candles in place and the mantle all aglow...let the season begin!
May God be glorified in the beauty and be honored in the holiday's festivities!!!!!!

Kyria Blog: Santa Claus and Christmas

2009-12-11T13:04:00.000-08:00

Kyria Blog: Santa Claus and Christmas

Begin by resting

2009-12-04T10:15:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I was admonished to begin this holiday season with REST. For those of you who do not know the definition of the word may I share the meaning of the word:
relief or freedom, especially from anything that wearies, troubles, or disturbs; the cessation or absence of motion; a refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion or labor; the refreshing quiet or repose of sleep; mental or spiritual calm; tranquillity.
In the midst of all that could be crazy and hectic, may you also remember that YOU are not responsible for
Christmas. That's God's job!

May this holiday season be filled with opportunitites for rest, and may you find joy in the knowledge that God's got it all under control.... from begining to end!

...a tradition I can't wait to begin!

2009-12-03T07:48:00.001-08:00

...writing it down

2009-11-14T15:37:00.000-08:00

Recently, I read Psalm 102:18. It talks about the importance of writing- "Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the LORD..."
It was encouraging to hear that it is significant and it is important that we write for posterity. Somewhere deep inside, I know this. It's the same place where the passion grows. It feels like fertile ground some days and absolutely arrid, other days. I think that's the way God intended it. Otherwise it could become all-consuming. I have learned to wait, when writing-to feel the prompting, to go with the flow. I've also learned to read, read, re-read and re-read, and to ask myself "is that what you meant to say?". I am liking this journey. It drags me along some days, and yanks me suddenly into unknown directions on other days. Most of what I write is what I'm experiencing or feeling. But some things are masqueraded realities that are freeing when put down on paper. This journey is an interesting one, a revealing one. I hope that as I write, I will continue to find out who I am, and by doing so, leave a legacy for the future generation, that they may know me, inside and out.

walking in the light

2009-11-13T14:55:00.000-08:00

Walking this morning, I was flooded with memories. I think it was sparked by a recent email that included 'remember this' pictures and words. Then I was gently touched by the warmth of the sun as I rounded a corner and my heart twisted, I miss my mom. This was her favorite time of year, too. Although she never spoke it out as "I love Fall". You could tell. She walked more, went out more, was more social and wanted to travel. In fact, with the exception of spring training, she and my dad generally travelled exclusively at this time of year. I miss my mom and watching how she delighted in her grandchildren. I miss her calling my dad's name "Donald!". I miss her graceful style and poise. She wasn't anything fancy, but she was my mom. I loved her. I often wonder how much she really understood in her last days. Did she really know who I was and did she really hear and carry the words we shared? I believe she loved me too, and that she struggled with opening her heart to show it. She was strong and fierce when I was growing up, slowing and becoming gentler as I grew older. I miss my mom, especially this time of year.

Restoration Weekend

2009-11-09T14:43:00.000-08:00

Once a year, I have the awesome blessing to share a weekend with some of my favorite friends, who, being like minded, are dedicated to seeking God. We dedicate this time away from work, home, kids and husbands to learn more about each other and to focus on our God. Our 10th annual women's retreat is coming in just 12 days! I love celebrating and sharing this time with this group of women in this very special way. Although God's theme is usually revealed at the end of the retreat, I can't help but notice that God is directing us to restoration, revival, rejuvination and the recapturing of ourselves for His purposes. He will reveal himself, and His purpose all in good time, I know.
Father, God, I ask you to continue to prepare our hearts and minds for all that you have in store for us on our retreat weekend. May this time together bring a revelation for each woman individually and have a significant impact on us as a group. We dedicate this time to you, Lord. Make the way clear as we work towards settting aside this time to be with each other and with You. Amen.

2009-11-05T14:27:00.000-08:00

Remembering that Fall is a time of Thanksgiving...

gathering & reaping, hoping and helping;

reaching out, holding dear.
Did I tell you I love this time of year? No wonder!

being loved...now I am real!

2009-11-05T11:50:00.000-08:00

What one of us doesn't want to be loved? Who among us doesn't want to be worn away with love? Who wouldn't want the knowledge that we've made a difference and that there is some legacy left behind? What a blessing I have been given!

"Annalynn had received a very nice stuffed brown bunny for easter that we have been referring to as the 'chocolate bunny'. Tonight I was awarded with the important task of holding bunny while she got herself a before bed drink. As I held the bunny, and curled on the couch with it in my blanket, I began to think about my own stuffed bunny my grandmother had made for me when I was just a little bigger than Annalynn. I had named it Mallory,after a character on the 80's sitcom Family Ties. I shared this with Annalynn. She, understandably, immediately connected this to our wonderful office assistant, and close friend, at PreSchool named Mallory. She got very excited and exclaimed, "now I can pick a name for chocolate bunny!" I asked what was that and she declared, "Cathy the Chocolate Bunny!" , after our former director at PreSchool. It all just fell together for her like pieces of a puzzle. I think it is so cute how she extended the legacy of my beloved bunny and associated it with her life, now we have a new connection- by way of stuffed bunny. So , upstairs we went. I tucked in Annalynn and her newly renamed Cathy The Chocolate Bunny."
I am Cathy, the Chocolate Bunny! Loved and remembered. Praise God for such a precious gift as this. It is this email and this post that will indeed be worn out.

A loving reminder that I am REAL!

... a disaster...how fun!

2009-11-05T08:08:00.000-08:00

a 6.9 earthquake. many buildings collapsed, roads closed and people hurt. today, we practiced a disaster. a skill we all need to know....really. we think we know what we would do, but do we really? today I learned, that even well planned and orchestrated plans can fall apart. I learned that communication is HUGE! I also learned that not everyone does their job or plays their role or stays in character when needed. I learned that I am calm under pressure and can sort through the myriad of orders being barked, prioritize them and follow them through. I learned that I know more than I think I do. I learned who I will follow, listen to and support in an emergency. I learned that the best leaders know their limitations and share the glory and the shame. I learned that we all have something to learn. We're ready for next time! Better.

an ounce of prevention

2009-11-04T15:50:00.000-08:00

Got my H1N1 today. Much consideration went into that...... Finally, it's best. Didn't even hurt! The nurse was incredible with the needle. But, then, I work in a hospital, they have to be nice to me, right?

Walk the Path

2009-11-01T17:25:00.000-08:00

Look closely and hear the silence...then, a low rumble as He gently begins to walk the path beside you. He is the warmth and light, peace and joy that surround you. He is love~enveloping your heart as you walk with Him. He is marvelously serene.
May you be comfortable by his side, snuggled under His arm as peace finds you this day.

something to think about...

2009-10-31T09:29:00.000-07:00

the enduring kind

2009-10-31T08:28:00.001-07:00

Driving along, I remember with a smile, simpler days, thoughts and play. How long has it been? Let's see... we met in 4th grade- that's about age 8 or 9? That would be 43 years. Wow. That is an amazing thought. I have known Julie almost as long as my own siblings! Well, she might as well be one of my siblings. There was a time when we were inseparable. Mutt and Jeff, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. She was included in family vacations, part of family celebrations and practically lived at our home from elementary school through middle of high school. Then we grew up, had families, got busy...but never let go. Always keeping in touch, if by nothing but birthday cards or Christmas cards or letters. We always knew where the other was and what they were doing. Distance only kept us from being together, not from touching one another. We have rejoiced with each other in life's triumphs and shared the pain and sorrow of life's valleys. We have endured and so has our friendship.
I anticipated today with a giddy, girlish excitement. It's been a long time since we've sat and talked. It's been about 9 years since she was diagnosed with MS, that's the last time we had a sit down chat. Too long. Too, too long. And once we are together, its as if nothing has changed. We are simply friends who love and care for one another. Updates, clarifications, detailed stories of loss and love, God stuff, husband stuff, what's planned in the short term and what we're hoping for in the long term, and of course the requisite 'remember when' scenarios. We laughed, we cried and we simply relished each other's presence. Three hours later, on at least two occassions, we start to leave, but lingered longer...finally realizing we really gotta go or we'd be stuck in Friday night traffic if we didn't get moving! So, we hug, chat, hug, chat some more and finally another hug that is accompanied by the dreaded good-bye but with it are promises to do it again, soon, and next time let's include our husbands. Now that should be fun!
Thank you Lord for this friendship that is the enduring kind of relationship- a reflection of you in so many ways. I am blessed.

more than we needed to know...

2009-10-26T18:42:00.000-07:00

Alan. Every family has one member they wish they could forget...you know the one you are always making excuses for & apologizing for. He was ours. God rest his soul, he passed onto his destiny a few months ago, but as we pick up the pieces he left behind, his unbridled, illegal and self seeking spirit keeps finding a way to infiltrate our lives. We've found copies of legal paperwork, new and old photos, miscellaneous "parafinalia", magazines, etc....all supporting what we knew was true about him. And now, as we are reclaiming his home, the neighbors feel free to stop us and share about their personal angst for Alan, when he was their neighbor, their own suspicisions, their calls to the police, their survellience, and the unrequited hope that the park managment would do something about him. I say so, what!!!! The man is dead, no threat or incovenience to anyone, any more. Yes, what we suspected was true. But did we really need to know all the sordid details? Let's move on. He is gone. He should no longer be the nuisance he was in life. But in death, as in life, he is the sliver you just have to let find its way out. You can't dig it out, its too deep. You can't grab the edge and pull. You can't scrape it out, its too big. You just have to let nature take its course. This too will seep into the past. Slowly edging its way out. God rest his soul.

What is this world coming to?

2009-10-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

Who in their right mind keeps pedaling when cars are moving in front of them? When their light is red, but the cars light is green? Is it a demented personality? A drunk? Someone high on "whatever"? Maybe he's a blind man? Or someone with a death wish? In any case, it shouldn't happen. Not to anyone, but especially not to my daughter. On her way to work this morning, the week started off with a 'bang'! Standing back, now, as she surveys the damages, all humans are well and in one piece, but the hood of her car has been 'impressed' with the image of her perpetrator. Now, a regular reminder of that infamous moment...but who wants to be reminded of such a calamity? Ugh!!! Oh, dear God, let us see your purpose and give us eyes to see beyond the literal and figurative impression left by this moment in time. I pray, Lord, for swift justice, truth in investigation and reparations to be quick and effective. Amen.

a family reunion

2009-10-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

20 years of gathering together in Pismo Beach. Not everyone has been there every year, but for the most part, we've strived to be together every year since 1989. Many of our patriarchs have passed on but in there place are new couples, families, children and even dogs! They call it camping...but it hardly qualifies with all the asphalt, electricity and hi-def cable. I guess what makes it camping is that we spend day and night outdoors, we cook outdoors and we have a campfire every night. There are trailer-trash lights that we glamorize each evening at a ceremonial lighting, and there are still the staples...hot dogs, hamburgers and the expected s'mores each evening. Each evening is filled with laughter at the recounting of some part of the family history and shared family memories. The same stories told and retold year after year after year. Yet, we never tire of them or make corrections to this year's version. We savor the memories and enjoy reliving them. The love of this family tradition completely outweighs any inconveniences. I love the fact that my children look forward to this every year-even travelling here from college for some part of the family time together-bringing friends to join us and share time with this crazy family!
This 'family business' can be tricky, but I think we've got it figured out. We are proof that the love of family supercedes interesting personalities, unusual quirks, oddities and behaviors. They are, simply put, who and what make the memories. This family time is our living history and reliving it every year strengthens its bonds and creates more reason, even desire, to gather together next year! See you there?

inspired by Fall......

2009-10-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

Fall has inspired me! We (my daughter and I) have invited some of our very favorite people to share the autumn spirit with us. We will gather to share the heart and soul of the season with homemade soups, breads and desserts that are indicative of the autumn harvest. I pray that these special women are blessed as we gather~ that they are inspired by the colors, decor and gifts. I pray that this is an opportunity to stop and prepare our hearts and souls for the upcoming craziness of the holidays. I pray that peace and joy will settle in their hearts and that they come to know without a doubt that I love them and God loves them so much more. Thank You Lord, for the opportunity and ability to bless them!

its the most wonderful time of the year!

2009-10-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

Vacations over, school back in session, everyone settled in for the long haul of winter and along comes Fall. Yes, I believe it is "The most wonderful time of the year". It is the magic carpet that takes us into winter.
Her beauty is unsurpassed, the rich smells unmistakable; the crisp, damp air so refreshing after summer's heat. God really does good work.
As I do the mundane, His beauty unfolds with a complexity I will never understand. Nor do I want to. I simply want to appreciate the brilliant colors and drink in the the freshness of the first rains. With fall also comes the anticipation of celebrations and all the planning that's needed. (I am a planner, so, there's always something 'in the wings'.) You'll hear more as we draw nearer about what's planned. In the meantime, savor this season. Every day brings new beauty. You just have to look to see it!

2009-09-17T16:53:00.000-07:00

ah....the beauty of it all......

2009-09-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

a wildly simple thought

...after all these years....

2009-09-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

...I still thrill when my little family gathers! Last night, daughter, son and his wife were 'home', working together and planning their part of our upcoming family reunion. My daughter with the plan (that's so typical of her personality), my son with all the ideas (the creative contractor in him) and my daughter-in-law making sure she understands what her husband is getting her into (they're learning to communicate). I am so very proud of my kids! All tree of them! I am in awe of who they've become. Praise God! I take very little credit, except that I stood firm on "Train up a child in a way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it". I'm so grateful for my own salvation and training, so grateful that I was able to then, pour God into them. I am grateful that I can see God working in and on all of them today and I have great expectations that I will continue to see God blossom in their lives as they continue this circle of life. Thank you Lord for eyes that can see your marvelous hand at work every day!

One More Time.......

2009-09-16T18:03:00.000-07:00

Most of you will think I've gone mad in my old age....but, once again, I want to share that I desperately love my job! I love that I'm learning, every day. I love the level of maturity of most those I work with. I love their views on life (and death) and I love the newness of the people, routine and even the space. That said, I still continue to struggle with the immaturity of some, the lack of respect from others and the simple fact that people hurt. As I reflect on my days here, I realize that I am given a gift each day. I find hope in what can happen here. I see joy in diagnoses'. I see peace in the elderly-no matter what their circumstances-and wild zeal for life, and a desperation to express life, in the young. I am in a position that allows me to be a fly on the wall and a sword being wielded. Although I prefer being the sword, I am learning to appreciate being the fly. It is clear "Be still and know that I am." I do, Lord, I am, too.

Ready, Set.....Write!

2009-09-14T18:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, here I am...ready to get this thing they call 'blogging' on its way. I often have so many thoughts floating around I can't wait to get them down.....wouldn't you know it, I'm finding it difficult to capture just one thought today...What a way to start.
I'll get there, you just wait!

It's only the begining

2009-09-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

As I begin this journey I promise myself (and you the reader) that my heart will take the lead. I will be open and honest and faithful. Faithful to Him who created all I am, all I have and has planted inside of me all that I will become.

I love to write, so this should be a natural move in my life.